“Do you know how to lock a door?” my flatmate asked me, just a few days after moving to Lund. What kind of question was that? Of course, I knew how to lock a door! Or so I thought. He insisted I demonstrate it, and so I did – with full confidence.
Turns out, I did NOT know how to lock a door.
Since when did locking a door require specialized training? I can barely remember to take my water bottle with me in the morning, and now I’m expected to take full responsibility for my safety. Sweden, that’s a lot of trust to place in me.
It didn’t stop there. The longer I lived in Lund, the more I noticed little quirks that weren’t exactly shocking but still made no logical sense to me – can we take a moment to discuss cheese in tubes?? Talking to other internationals, I quickly realised—I wasn’t alone in my confusion.
Take Manuel from Mexico, for example. One of the first things he pointed out was the unfamiliar silence on public transport “In Mexico, you hear people speaking loudly all the time!”, he told me. Aminieli, an exchange student from the U.S. who had also lived in Tanzania, added another dilemma: the uncertainty of whether answering your phone on the tram is socially acceptable. Speaking of social norms, months into my time in Sweden, I still get caught off guard every time someone asks, “How are you?” Do you expect an answer or should I just smile awkwardly and nod?
After watching Midsommar, I thought I had seen enough Swedish rituals. Little did I know about Fika at that point – far less unsettling and much more joyful. Nearly everyone I talked to expressed their heartfelt love for it. But apart from kanelbullar and coffee, there seem to exist a few questionable food offerings in Sweden. Growing up with a Persian mother in Qatar, Arabella was used to saffron as a savoury spice, not something that belonged in sweet treats. “Seeing saffron in desserts felt so wrong”, she admitted. Swedish pastry, in her opinion, simply didn’t measure up – “Denmark just does it so much better.” Perhaps that is also her inherited Danish bias speaking. Réka from Hungary, on the other hand, wasn’t too concerned with pastries. What puzzled her was Sweden’s minimalist approach to seasoning, as if salt and spices were to be used in moderation—if at all. One thing that was pleasantly surprising to both of us was getting water “basically everywhere” for free, whether it was in a bakery or at a nation’s club. “Are you actually not charging me?” I’m sure she wasn’t alone in experiencing this pleasant surprise.
Another common confusion for internationals was Systembolaget. Arabella once witnessed her friend getting rejected from buying beer simply because she had spoken to Arabella, who wasn’t 20 yet. Her friend had to go back in and purchase it without speaking to her. Both she and Manuel questioned the effectiveness of this type of alcohol restriction, it is supposed to pose a barrier to alcohol, “but does it really?”
Apart from these clearly stated rules, Sweden also has a few unspoken rules we stumbled upon. Take queueing for example; Manuel was stunned by how Swedes instinctively leave a full meter of space between each other in line for the bus. And then there’s the shoe situation. The first time Manuel was asked to take off his shoes indoors, he hesitated. “Why?” While I agree with this habit, I do wonder how you manage to take off your shoes so effortlessly without struggling for balance.
Schuyler from China, who is abroad for the first time, found the concept of Jantelagen, the unwritten rule that promotes modesty, equality, and humility, utterly bizarre.
From home, she was used to it being important to let people know if you have strengths, “You need to show!”. “I don’t understand that you have to hide it in Sweden!”. Manuel noticed this as well. In Mexico, showing off your achievements is celebrated.
Then there’s winter. Especially how Swedes treated the very cold winter baffled Schuyler; “they don’t wear gloves, they don’t wear scarfs – sometimes they even wear shorts” Meanwhile, she couldn’t leave the house without wearing gloves and snuggling up in a big scarf and I agree – there is a reason my friends used to call me “snowman”.
Beyond that, technical stuff seems to be a challenge, whether it is scanning your receipt to get out of ICA or how to use the oven with only symbols displayed. In the U.S., Aminieli wasn’t used to only having symbols on the oven looking so similar. It was a real puzzle, which symbol means what, and also figuring it out with an instruction menu just in Swedish. Meanwhile, I found myself locked in battle with my somehow Danish washing machine.
Despite the initial confusion everyone shared, no one I talked to cut short on praising Sweden, especially the Swedes. Of course, there was also a lot of “fun or good strange” as Dipline from France put it. From themed parties to the recycling system, to how “fancy” Swedes dress, there’s plenty to love. The accessibility of education, especially compared to the U.S., is another huge plus as well as how open-minded, welcoming and extroverted many Swedes are despite popular stereotypes.
So, maybe by the time I finish my degree here, I’ll have mastered the Swedish way. Or at least, I’ll have figured out how to respond to ‘How are you?’ without stalling helplessly.
